Wow its almost been another year.  So much has been going on I dont know where to start.  I can definitely say that I am not the person I was a year ago.  Since my last post my marriage broke up, I left the country, came back home, started my life over, lost 70 lbs and met new people.  Do I contribute this to what I went through almost 2 years ago?  Absolutely.  Over time I will explain all about it but for now lets just say I am way the hell happier than I have ever been in 17 years.

Happy Anniversary!

Who would have though the year would have gone by so fast and so many changes made.  It is all but a distant memory now. 


Will post then and now pics in a few.

Me - 6 months later

Well here we are.  6 months later.  As you can see things are going well.  My scar is no longer very red, but a thin line thats barely there.  The 6 months have gone by so fast.   Next up my follow up appointment in July.  Stay tuned.

What did I learn today.......

A whole lot of nothing!

Today was the 6 week follow up from my surgery on June 2.  The doctor poked and prodded and looked in all the obvious places and found nothing.  Get your mind out of the gutter, I'm talking my ears, nose and throat.  He felt all around and basically said any weird lumps and bumps are just everything trying to move back into place now that the mass is gone.

After he dazzled me with his smile, he was able to confirm a few things for me.  Yes the tumor was rare, but thats the way things go sometimes.  I got lucky, pure and simple.  Tumors of the vagas nerve are far more common than my sympathetic nerve tumor.   It was a clean removal, which means he was able to remove all of it with nothing left behind, and the odds of it ever happening again are pretty much slim to none.  The odds of my kids getting it are the same odds.  It's not hereditary so there shouldn't be anything happening to them.  He was pretty confident that my experience was a one time thing and I shouldn't have any more problems.

The last thing he said before he kicked me out the door was "See you next year!"  Lets just hope next year brings nothing new.

Now what should I do with this sexy scar?  Im thinking just enjoy it as it is. 

Have a great day!

The Countdown Is On...

So I have made it to July.  It has been roughly 51/2 weeks since my surgery and it hasn't all been bad.  I can't update my pictures as someone lost my camera and won't replace it any time soon.

The scar looks good, still a little red along the line but there is absolutely no swelling to be found.  I still subconciously poke at it trying to find the lump that was there.  Sometimes I think my mind is playing tricks on me and I can still feel it but what I think I feel is the scar tissue underneath and whatever veins and stuff that had been pushed aside, still hanging out where they had been moved to. 

There has been no change to my other side affects.  I got a mosquito bite the last week on my neck and holy crap did it itch.  Its still a bizarre sensation to feel the itch and not feel the scratch.  All the scratching did was leave a red mark on my skin and no relief.  I can now track where the numbness starts and where it ends.  The only thing I wonder is how will this affect my jawline if I happen to get an injury there.  Not that I am planning on getting hit in the jaw any time soon but there have been times when I have tripped and wound up smacking myself in the face. Im not the most coordinated person on the planet.  Ha!  Will this numbness make an injury worse for me and perhaps lead to a bigger injury?  Don't know.

People still tell me "Oh I didn't notice your eye until you pointed it out" Yeah I call bullshit.  How can you not notice when it gets worse when I am tired or angry?  If it wasn't noticeable when why do people stare at it?  And believe me its not the scar they are staring at.  I can see the line of sight.  The squint is huge compared to my other eye.  I don't know if I can live with this lopsidedness forever or whether it would be better to get surgery to correct it.  Vanity sure is a bitch.

I still get aches in my neck near where the sympathetic nerve hangs out - the same area where the neck muscle attaches your skull to your body.  What its from I have no idea it could be the nerve is still healing itself after being invaded so long.  Again another one for the who knows department. 

I have 9 days until my follow up with the doctor and I tell ya its going to be the longest 9 days in my life.  There are so many questions I want him to answer but unfortunately with all the reading I have done since initial diagnosis I know he won't have a lot of answers.  Yes its true there haven't been any cases of reoccurance but how can you be sure since there have only been 50 cases ever?  Where is the information that concludes difinitively that a tumor won't show up on my other sympathetic nerve.  If the mass started because of a DNA oddity in the lining of the nerve, whos to say another oddity will show up?  Or bettter yet, something shows up closer to my brain.   No one can say.  It is so frustrating to not have full and complete information.

So in the mean time I am going to spend today partying like a rock star with over 80,000 of my closest friends, take in some fireworks and forget the world for a little while.  What will I do for the rest of the 8 days?  Laundry and dishes...because they won't do themselves.

And what have you been up to lately?

Ok this is so bizarre...

So its been almost 3 weeks since my surgery.  The time has gone by so fast!  I think I am back to normal pretty much.  The bruises from my heperin shots have almost faded.  and I am back to doing everything I did before except for heavy lifting.  The doctor didn't really say don't do it until my next appointment but hey if it gets me out of stuff I may as take advantage of it right? 

A few things I have noticed now that I have gotten used to my freak of nature look: 

Its hard to scratch a mosquito bite when you can't feel it.  I mean I know its there, I can see it, and it itches like crazy but I can't feel it when I scratch.  That is just seriously fucked up!

If I am angry or upset..which lately has been a LOT.... my eye closes smaller and smaller so that I am practically squinting.  then my other eye tries to over compensate by matching the squint.  By the end of the day i have such a face ache it isn't funny!

If I am angry my scar starts go red and throb.  Of course it could be because it is so close to my jugular vein but its still pretty freaky.  No one has actually seen it move but I sure can feel it.

I was out for a walk today with the kid in the stroller.  Pretty good tunes playing so i was going at a pretty good speed.  It was hot out and I was starting to sweat.  Funny enough I noticed when i got home, I only sweat on one side of my forehead.  I shit you not!  Over my normal eye the beads of moisture were starting to run I was sweating so much but nothing on the other side!  Great!  Now I sweat like a freak! 
I wonder.......if I ask the doctor, do you think he would be willing to cut me open on the other side, play with my other sympathetic nerve so that everything is all evened up?  matching scars, matching eyes, matching sweat spots.  Its a win win situation!  LOL

And what fun have you been up to lately?

Back To Reality

So here we are 15 days post op.  I still feel pretty crappy and the rain isn't helping.  The best way to describe it is a very dull ache - if you have ever had a knee injury or broken limb you know the ache I am talking about.  It arrives with the change of weather and only goes away once the sun comes out.

Today is the return of reality.  The guy goes back to work tonight for the first time in two weeks.  Its going to be interesting.  I can now unofficially start doing my regular chores and such but the heavy lifting is still unadvised until after July 19th.  The guy is really hoping it goes bad so that he can have another 2 weeks off but after what I have gone through I think I am going to suck it up and deny him it. If it means a setback for me then so be it.

I think the hardest part of being home was the inability to go out by myself.  With all the rain there was no chance as I couldn't hop in the car and drive myself and I really wasn't into walking in the rain.  With the guy so busy with his 2nd job (its a tech job that can be done at home) I couldn't even get him to drive me.  Since the surgery I have been out a few times but honestly its not the same as it was by his rules.  I really think I am going stir crazy.  I so want to just jump in the car and speed away but one thing is still holding me back.  My neck.  Do I risk getting behind the wheel when my shoulder checking is still below par?  I don't think its a risk I am willing to take just yet.

I wont even get into all the crazy that is going to be happening starting next week.  Lets just say crazytown will be returning.  If you checked out the first part of my blog before the alien you will know exactly what I mean.

ps - no new photos of the scar...its just a simple line now and no longer exciting to look at.